Spiritual Prompting or
Stir Crazy?
You know
when you have a good day – like a peaceful, slow paced, content kinda day.
Maybe you get to spend some quiet time reading.
Maybe the kids are super endearing. Maybe it feels like you have not a
care in the world. I just had one of those days. It really was nice and
peaceful. But then I looked in the mirror. – Now please know this isn't a hate on myself
post. I - like everyone – have those weak moments, but as a rule I don't let
them track me around and I shake them off with truths that far outweigh any
negativity that tries to hang itself around my neck.
Anyway, I
looked in the mirror, and I thought to myself – you are a hot mess. And I vocalized
this sentiment to my husband. We had
just been to a five year old's birthday party where I met some new people from
my community and while I was there I also noted that I seriously needed some
under arm charm. I was stinky. I was the stinky mom. I admit, it is harder to
find time to shower as a mom than it was when there weren't little bodies in my
constant care, but I would by no means say that I neglect personal hygiene.
(Yes I have dreadlocks, but I keep them clean.) But I was smelly that day and I
am still at the beginning of a health and weight loss journey that doesn't seem
to be going super great. Not to mention having a toddler and too much stuff means
that I sometimes feel like I live in a chaotic mess. Basically I was just
feeling discontented about everything.
And it came on me suddenly after a fairly content and low key day.
What is the
root of this nagging sense of un-rightness in my life? Did this feeling just
come upon me out of nowhere or is it something I have been carrying around?
After the
hot mess comment, my husband tried, unsuccessfully, to tease me and I couldn't
shake this downer, nagging feeling for the rest of the night. As bedtime was
approaching, I handed him my phone to read a Facebook article while I put the
toddler in her jammies and helped her get cleaned up. We communed for prayers
on her queen sized mattress and as we settled down I said, “I feel like I am in
the winter of my discontent.”
What the
crap am I discontent about?
To the untrained
eye everything in my life is tickety-boo. Because it is! I don't have very many
hardships. Like basically none. There is
nothing for me to complain about. So what is this feeling about? What areas of
life am I not content with?
1. My spirituality. I want to live my faith more
authentically. I want it to be the centre of everything I do, the decisions I
make, the way I raise my kids and how I
live out my marriage with my husband. I want it to permeate EVERYTHING.
2. My consumerist/entitled/wasteful
lifestyle. I could use the old qualifier, “I'm not as bad as most.” But
seriously. That is weak. Who cares what
“most” do? What do I DO? That's the real question and the only variable I can
control! So please, Wynder, cut the thin
excuses and take a hard look at how you love (live).
3. My health and fitness. I have dreams in this area. Dreams of being
able to do serious back country backpacking. Dreams of being able to do chin
ups. Dreams of inversion yoga. Dreams of strength and flexibility that follow
me well into my old age. Energy that matches my kids. Dreams of being able to
have self control when it comes to sugar in my life. I'm not there.
4. My messy house. We are not hoarders
by any means; the pathways through our stuff are at least big enough to shuffle
past another person, but honestly. I
would like my floor spaces to be empty and the flat surfaces of my life to be
used for more than just collecting things like mail and tools I am too lazy to
put away. The boxes and things we
haven't used since we moved need to go. What is my problem?
5. My creativity. I am a creative person, although it took me
about a million years to realize it. But I haven't utilized the creative
outlets available to me as best I could.
Five seems
to be a significant number for me these days because I had five goals for this
year. Here are five things I feel the need to pursue and change, but how oh how
does one balance a list of five things, each of which could be a life's
pursuit?
