Discontent Part 2

Contributing Factors

So feeling discontented has got to be coming from somewhere. Last post I outlined areas in my life I feel discontent with. I don't want to be a person who lives with an uneasy feeling, packing it around like whiny child and pretending that this is how it's supposed to be. I want resolution! Where are some of these feelings coming from? Let's break it down.

1.     Pinterest Stress. I Admit it. It is an embarrassing thing to admit to, and I loathe the title: Pinterest Stress. I wish there was something more dignified to call it - but there it is. This awful phrase is an over simplification of a sort of over arching problem of too much social media. There are just so many AMAZING things going on in people’s lives, I get excited about them all and I think I should be doing ALL THE THINGS. Here is a brief glimpse of all the things that inspire parts of my heart mind or soul:

a.    Living with no furniture! This is an article about Katy Bowman and her family and how they have no chairs and they basically sleep on the floor and go barefoot all the time in the name of good health!  Love.

b.   Living in a Tent! While building a homestead! You can check out this super rad adventure at firsttimefarmers.com

Figure 1: Photo credits to @firsttimefarmers via Instagram

Figure 1: Photo credits to @firsttimefarmers via Instagram

c.    Giving my kids adventurous, outdoor exploration and appreciation like Wild Explorers Club

Figure 2 Photo Credit to @nicolebianchi_ Instagram - via @wildexplorersclub

d.    Getting rid of basically everything we own and living a minimalist lifestyle.  Amanda Gregory is maxing minimalism in a beautiful way @mytinytribe on Instagram.

Figure 3: Photo Creds to @mytinytribe via Instagram

All her kids’ toys fit in that one basket. I kid you not. #my_minimalist_mondays

e.    Jumping into a van/bus/air-stream/tin-can/old motor-home and driving across the planet experiencing all there is to take in in this wild wide world. Check out one such adventure at www.americanfrolic.com

Figure 4: Photo Creds to @americanfrolic via Instagram

All of these examples are just a small smattering of the amazing things I have been reading about and wanting to do. I could list about 10 other things here - many of which are diametrically opposed to each other - that catch my attention and my heart. I mean, how can I travel the world and have a homestead? It ain’t gonna happen. In fact, as I was beginning to identify this as a thing in my brain, the Holy Spirit spoke some very profound words to me: “Mind your own business and do your laundry.” Touché.

2.    I am into year two of my life being drastically different than it has been in the past 10 years. The past ever, actually. I’ve never been a stay at home mom before, and “busy” for me used to mean I ran from one activity to the next, visiting with friends, teaching high school or running youth ministry. Suppers with people, movie dates, marking, planning retreats, meetings with fellow teachers or youth ministers who were excited about doing rad and creative things for kids. These days “busy” means that life moves so slowly, that once you take out meals and naps and the prep and time each involves, we can only do two other things in a day - if we are lucky. Clean. Take the dog for a walk. Go to a parent link activity. Visit friends. Bake. Pick up dog poo. Garden (if the kids allow it). Do something creative like write or sew or knit (if the kids allow it). Go to a park. Go to the backyard. And if I want to go do something myself - well that happens on Wednesday evening for 75 minutes. I go to an exercise class. If the kids allow.

These are pretty simple things. These things are my life. On the one hand, THESE THINGS ARE MY LIFE!!!!!! On the other hand, these things are my life.

This is what I like t call, the lack of the “Big Show.” I used to be a player in the “Big Show.” Now I am stage directing a “Little Show.”

I could list more things I guess, but really it comes down to these things. Actually it seems to all boil down to one thing now that I have it written out: lack of perceived adventure.

Perceived because I am on a journey right now that I have never been on before - so this season is inherently adventurous. Hmmmmmm. - I was expecting this post to take a different route. I was going to lay out a whole bunch of things and solve each problem. Funny how when I write things down through the course of a few weeks there is unexpected revelation.

Stay tuned for part three which I can see taking shape in my mind’s eye as I type: ways I am truly living adventure - a mind shift.

Peace.

Discontent - Part 1

Spiritual Prompting or Stir Crazy?

You know when you have a good day – like a peaceful, slow paced, content kinda day. Maybe you get to spend some quiet time reading.  Maybe the kids are super endearing. Maybe it feels like you have not a care in the world. I just had one of those days. It really was nice and peaceful.  But then I looked in the mirror.  – Now please know this isn't a hate on myself post. I - like everyone – have those weak moments, but as a rule I don't let them track me around and I shake them off with truths that far outweigh any negativity that tries to hang itself around my neck.

Anyway, I looked in the mirror, and I thought to myself – you are a hot mess. And I vocalized this sentiment to my husband.  We had just been to a five year old's birthday party where I met some new people from my community and while I was there I also noted that I seriously needed some under arm charm. I was stinky. I was the stinky mom. I admit, it is harder to find time to shower as a mom than it was when there weren't little bodies in my constant care, but I would by no means say that I neglect personal hygiene. (Yes I have dreadlocks, but I keep them clean.) But I was smelly that day and I am still at the beginning of a health and weight loss journey that doesn't seem to be going super great. Not to mention having a toddler and too much stuff means that I sometimes feel like I live in a chaotic mess. Basically I was just feeling discontented about everything.  And it came on me suddenly after a fairly content and low key day.

What is the root of this nagging sense of un-rightness in my life? Did this feeling just come upon me out of nowhere or is it something I have been carrying around?

After the hot mess comment, my husband tried, unsuccessfully, to tease me and I couldn't shake this downer, nagging feeling for the rest of the night. As bedtime was approaching, I handed him my phone to read a Facebook article while I put the toddler in her jammies and helped her get cleaned up. We communed for prayers on her queen sized mattress and as we settled down I said, “I feel like I am in the winter of my discontent.”

What the crap am I discontent about?

To the untrained eye everything in my life is tickety-boo. Because it is! I don't have very many hardships.  Like basically none. There is nothing for me to complain about. So what is this feeling about? What areas of life am I not content with?

1.     My spirituality. I want to live my faith more authentically. I want it to be the centre of everything I do, the decisions I make, the way I raise my kids and  how I live out my marriage with my husband. I want it to permeate EVERYTHING.  

2.    My consumerist/entitled/wasteful lifestyle. I could use the old qualifier, “I'm not as bad as most.” But seriously.  That is weak. Who cares what “most” do? What do I DO? That's the real question and the only variable I can control!  So please, Wynder, cut the thin excuses and take a hard look at how you love (live).

3.    My health and fitness.  I have dreams in this area. Dreams of being able to do serious back country backpacking. Dreams of being able to do chin ups. Dreams of inversion yoga. Dreams of strength and flexibility that follow me well into my old age. Energy that matches my kids. Dreams of being able to have self control when it comes to sugar in my life. I'm not there.

4.    My messy house. We are not hoarders by any means; the pathways through our stuff are at least big enough to shuffle past another person, but honestly.  I would like my floor spaces to be empty and the flat surfaces of my life to be used for more than just collecting things like mail and tools I am too lazy to put away.  The boxes and things we haven't used since we moved need to go. What is my problem?

5.    My creativity.  I am a creative person, although it took me about a million years to realize it. But I haven't utilized the creative outlets available to me as best I could.

Five seems to be a significant number for me these days because I had five goals for this year. Here are five things I feel the need to pursue and change, but how oh how does one balance a list of five things, each of which could be a life's pursuit?