Discontent Part 2

Contributing Factors

So feeling discontented has got to be coming from somewhere. Last post I outlined areas in my life I feel discontent with. I don't want to be a person who lives with an uneasy feeling, packing it around like whiny child and pretending that this is how it's supposed to be. I want resolution! Where are some of these feelings coming from? Let's break it down.

1.     Pinterest Stress. I Admit it. It is an embarrassing thing to admit to, and I loathe the title: Pinterest Stress. I wish there was something more dignified to call it - but there it is. This awful phrase is an over simplification of a sort of over arching problem of too much social media. There are just so many AMAZING things going on in people’s lives, I get excited about them all and I think I should be doing ALL THE THINGS. Here is a brief glimpse of all the things that inspire parts of my heart mind or soul:

a.    Living with no furniture! This is an article about Katy Bowman and her family and how they have no chairs and they basically sleep on the floor and go barefoot all the time in the name of good health!  Love.

b.   Living in a Tent! While building a homestead! You can check out this super rad adventure at firsttimefarmers.com

Figure 1: Photo credits to @firsttimefarmers via Instagram

Figure 1: Photo credits to @firsttimefarmers via Instagram

c.    Giving my kids adventurous, outdoor exploration and appreciation like Wild Explorers Club

Figure 2 Photo Credit to @nicolebianchi_ Instagram - via @wildexplorersclub

d.    Getting rid of basically everything we own and living a minimalist lifestyle.  Amanda Gregory is maxing minimalism in a beautiful way @mytinytribe on Instagram.

Figure 3: Photo Creds to @mytinytribe via Instagram

All her kids’ toys fit in that one basket. I kid you not. #my_minimalist_mondays

e.    Jumping into a van/bus/air-stream/tin-can/old motor-home and driving across the planet experiencing all there is to take in in this wild wide world. Check out one such adventure at www.americanfrolic.com

Figure 4: Photo Creds to @americanfrolic via Instagram

All of these examples are just a small smattering of the amazing things I have been reading about and wanting to do. I could list about 10 other things here - many of which are diametrically opposed to each other - that catch my attention and my heart. I mean, how can I travel the world and have a homestead? It ain’t gonna happen. In fact, as I was beginning to identify this as a thing in my brain, the Holy Spirit spoke some very profound words to me: “Mind your own business and do your laundry.” Touché.

2.    I am into year two of my life being drastically different than it has been in the past 10 years. The past ever, actually. I’ve never been a stay at home mom before, and “busy” for me used to mean I ran from one activity to the next, visiting with friends, teaching high school or running youth ministry. Suppers with people, movie dates, marking, planning retreats, meetings with fellow teachers or youth ministers who were excited about doing rad and creative things for kids. These days “busy” means that life moves so slowly, that once you take out meals and naps and the prep and time each involves, we can only do two other things in a day - if we are lucky. Clean. Take the dog for a walk. Go to a parent link activity. Visit friends. Bake. Pick up dog poo. Garden (if the kids allow it). Do something creative like write or sew or knit (if the kids allow it). Go to a park. Go to the backyard. And if I want to go do something myself - well that happens on Wednesday evening for 75 minutes. I go to an exercise class. If the kids allow.

These are pretty simple things. These things are my life. On the one hand, THESE THINGS ARE MY LIFE!!!!!! On the other hand, these things are my life.

This is what I like t call, the lack of the “Big Show.” I used to be a player in the “Big Show.” Now I am stage directing a “Little Show.”

I could list more things I guess, but really it comes down to these things. Actually it seems to all boil down to one thing now that I have it written out: lack of perceived adventure.

Perceived because I am on a journey right now that I have never been on before - so this season is inherently adventurous. Hmmmmmm. - I was expecting this post to take a different route. I was going to lay out a whole bunch of things and solve each problem. Funny how when I write things down through the course of a few weeks there is unexpected revelation.

Stay tuned for part three which I can see taking shape in my mind’s eye as I type: ways I am truly living adventure - a mind shift.

Peace.

So, Dreads.....

It's been about three weeks since I started this dreaded journey. Sorry.  I couldn't resist. 

:)

Anyway,  I am still at the beginning as not all my little braids have been transformed into dreadlocks yet. I have about 15 braids left to go. Ugh. Let me tell you, this whole thing is not for the faint of heart or scalp.  Or the vain. On Instagram when you follow people with dreadlocks, even baby dreads, they have one picture up of their normal hair and then the next day or two and there is a photo of them with perfectly shaped knotted and placed dreads. It is deceptive, friends.  I have been doing this on my own and there is no such thing as going to bed one day and and waking up with beautiful dreads. I have had these little braids in for 20-odd days and they get fuzzier and frizzier every day. I have to pull the dreads and braids up in a bun and wrap a scarf around my chaos just to go out. I'll post some photos.  Seriously.  It is out of control up there.

Once you have a head of new dreadlocks, it is recommended that you let them chill for about a week before you wash them, but since I've been at this three weeks already, I don't have the luxury of letting the newbies have a week to work their magic before they are assaulted by shampoo and water.  *YES! Dreadlocks are meant to be washed. For some reason people think that dreads are dirty and greasy, but the opposite should be true. Hair dreads better if it is clean and free of oils, so a set of squeaky clean locs are definitely more desirable to a head of smelly, greasy tangles.* The cleaning is good, but shampoo is slippery and can leave moisturizing residue that can cause those hard earned knots to untangle. So even if my two or three new locs are looking tight, after a shower and a couple of days they are loosening up and getting fuzzy and misshapen. And then they need maintenance.

I am at the point where I have over half my head done. Although many of my dreads need some TLC and attention, I am feeling like I should just hurry and get those last ones done so I can focus on the maintenance and trying to curb some of the frizz in a productive way - by snagging it up into a dreadlock! Of course I started with the bottom and am working my way to the top so all my ridiculous fuzz is sitting mostly on the top of my head. I would do it that way.

The creation of a dread

I could use wax to help shape the locs and minimize the frizz.  I don't want to. It has worked great for many others, but I just have an aversion to putting it in my hair.  When I was researching online, I found more people opposed to wax and so I have settled myself into that camp. Not from experience or knowledge or anything other than it just seems like the best way for me to go with this. Kinda like a gut thing. I think that wax would make the dreads dirtier - stuff sticks to wax - and I would worry more about things like my dreads drying properly after a wash and potentially developing knot rot. Ewww. It's a thing. I am just going to work those puppies over with my crochet hook as much as possible over the summer and hope they lock up. I got some bar shampoo from LUSH which I will use and I am going to try an apple cider vinegar rinse after as recommended by an etsy shop owner who makes her own shampoo for dreadlocks. One thing I have learned about dreadlocks in the past week is that they may need to be moisturized. It seems that since the oils from your scalp no longer get worked down through your tresses, they can become dry and brittle and that isn't a good scene for dreadlocks either.  So I will have to figure that out, but all in due time.

Let me also just ask, can't a girl just be a 30 something, Catholic, stay at home mom who doesn't smoke weed or read tarot cards and want to have dreadlocks? I don't own any barefoot sandals (anymore - though I did as a kid!) or have any Buddha or Vishnu statues, or burn incense - although I really love the smell of incense when it's used at mass - or ohm. I feel like I am a bit of an anomaly. At an end of the year event at the Catholic school my husband teaches at, our member of the board of education, who I have been getting to know through some other venues, (it is a small town) questioned me about my sprouting dreadlocks. "I heard all about it in a hemp shop in the Caribbean!" she told me. She wanted to know why I wanted them and what my dad had to say about it! I just want them. I think they look cool. "I'm not Rasta, or anything," I assured her with a laugh thinking about how I might look as a Eucharistic minister at the end of the month with my knotted locs sticking out. Also, I'm a 30 year old woman who has been making questionable choices about my hair styles for YEARS now. Who the heck cares what my DAD has to say about it? What the what?

http://seekingfaith.stedward.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/shutterstock_246673681.jpg

I am not Rasta, in fact I realized I don't know much about what Rastafari really is so I of course Googled it and what I know I read here: http://listverse.com/2014/01/06/10-things-to-know-about-rastafari-beliefs/  The university degrees in me are screaming in my ears about reliable sources, of which I can't be sure this is one. 

fourthy.deviantart.com

Is it so strange to want dreads but none of the stereotypical culture that comes with it? Now I'm not saying that I am not a little more hippie, a little more free spirit, a little more on the fringe than some. Maybe I am. Or at least I kinda was before moving to this little town that is a strange combination of Red Neck-Granola Crunchers. But I would just like to feel like I'm not the only dreadhead who loves Jesus, is into gardening, eats red meat with delight and reads papal encyclicals. Anyone with me?

Peace.

UPDATE: 

I wrote this post almost 3 weeks ago! I STILL don't have all my dreads in. Seven(ish) to go. 

What do you mean having a one year old and a renovation project and a husband who is now off on summer vacation and a bunch of hiking trips equals very little advancement on my dread-venture AND no time to properly edit, add photos and post to my blog? I don't get it.

31 Things

I just celebrated my 31st birthday a couple of days ago, and I was on the road driving to my brother's place to spend a couple of days, and I SO wanted to write a birthday post.  Sometimes I am overcome by the urge to just WRITE but I left my journal at home, and it has been a busy couple of days with family,  so writing had to wait. It's good too, because I thought of a format for this post in the meantime. A list of sorts to share a bit more about me and the things I have learned and experienced over my life. Maybe it is cheesy, maybe it is predictable, maybe no one give two poops about what I write, but I do what I want.

So here are 31 things.

1. Jesus is the real deal. It isn't enough to say I believe in God. Jesus really lived, really loved, and really lives again.  I know because I have seen Him work in my life and the life of people around me. The Holy Spirit moves and I have experienced Him and you can stop reading now if you want because I have just finished saying the most important thing I can say anyway.

2.  When I was a kid, I loved to eat sour cream and onion chips and bananas together. The. Best.

3. I am the middle kid and the only girl in my family. So it kinda worked out. I have the middle kid sarcasm and fight, but I also got my own room quicker.

4. I have learned things are not black and white. I used to hold people to a very high standard (especially young people I mentored) but I did it without grace. I still hold the high standard, but I understand now that I don't reach it either, and we need to cut some slack sometimes. Grace is Devine.

5.  I really am not interested in professional sports. I feel like it is a huge waste of resources. And sports talk radio makes me want to gouge out my eyes.

6. Plants are way cool.

7. I often feel guilty about what I am not doing. I have been given so much and I am so blessed, but I am not using my time, talents and resources to their full capacity and I have guilt about it.

8. I am an android user but am seriously considering going iPhone next time my contract comes up.

9. If you are a woman, I strongly believe you should read Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge. And if your a dude, Wild at Heart by John Eldridge.

10. I love to fish. I haven't really done it since high school, and most of my success was sheer luck, but I'm hoping to take it up again soon and actually learn more about it.

11. You are not in control.

12. It's ok.

13. What is real social justice? I struggle with this idea and the practice of it. I am passionate about it but it is so easy to mess up. (Yet also so easy to do right.)

14. I am an attachment parenter. At least I swing that direction on the pendulum. And I am not sorry about it. My gut tells me it is right for me and my kiddo(s) so that is how I do.

15. I used to be drawn in by the "show." Now it makes me wary.

16. Brain research. Do some.

17. I used to want to be a doctor. Maybe a pediatric surgeon. But in high school I decided I wasn't smart enough and l didn't pursue it.

18. I never thought of myself as creative, since most of my drawing looks like it was done by a skilled 8 year old, but I have found my creativity comes out in more tactile exploits like gardening and knitting and pottery.

19. Baby buns are the cutest thing on the face of the Earth.

20. Once my dad gave me a thumbs up.

21. Honey mustard.

22. The only thing I am anal about is sweeping and mopping the floor.  Not about how often it happens, but that it is done in a certain fashion.

23. I find the vast amount of hair I lose on a daily basis disconcerting.

24. I am unorganized, late and I make last minute plans. It doesn't mean I don't care.

25. I want to travel everywhere. I hope one day we can live abroad for a year as a family.

26. I find there is nothing so magnetic and enlivening as natural light, weather it is from the sun, moon or stars, I want it pouring through my windows or I want to be in it, soaking it up.

27. Once, when I was a teen, my "pseudo family," who have given me so much in my life, needed me to babysit when the mom got viral meningitis. I had also been invited to go round up cows with my neighbour the same weekend and his hot grandson was going to be there, so I talked myself into believing I was just protecting myself from infection and didn't go babysit. I have regretted this selfish decision ever since, but I never apologized to them for it. I am still meaning to.

28. Just do the right thing.

29. Amaretto is my favorite liqueur.

30. When you compromise on your central guiding principles, you cheapen them to the point of appearing worthless.

31. My husband deserves more credit, praise and affirmation than I give him. He really does his best for me and our family and I just want to acknowledge his hard work, care and presence.  Thank-you.

Not a real blog post

I am in the middle of writing a blog post. Not this one - another one. A REAL one. It is about the title of my blog, but a couple of things happened.  First is that the last two weeks seem to have run away with me. Between Thanksgiving weekend, company, weaning calves, driving, trying to clean, taking a mini trip that turned into a small trip, renovating with my sister-in-law, a sick babe and the things coming up this weekend,  well, posting to a blog that only a handful of my friends may or may not read didn't seem to make it onto the "necessary" list.

This is a photo taken by my sister-in-law of my mom and I rounding up the cows and calves for weaning Thanksgiving Monday. Giddy up. 

Second is that as I was writing,  I started to sound a bit like I was attempting to write like a writer.  Maybe that isn't an  accurate assessment either.  I started using a thesaurus and was being (in my mind) a little philosophical.  Well, that got me thinking about voice.  How could I post something with the words "expound" and "juncture" in it since my last two (first two) posts were about my hair care regime and my sugar addiction! I would sound like a total chaunch - how could I sound like anything but a poser and a tool? Seriously?!

So what is my voice?  We all know that the things that go online always have some kind of polish to them. Yes - even you Instagram moms who swear you are laying it all out there on the line. You have to at least consider the things you share and choose the words you write. So what words do I choose and why? And do I have to consistently choose the same types of words or ideas or motivations when I decide to "put it out there."

When I was in jr high school,  I wanted to be a surgeon. In high school I decided I wasn't smart enough for that, so I thought about writing and journalism. The problem was that I was only actually interested in editorial style writing.  I remember saying I wanted to write my opinion about whatever topic I wanted and have people be interested in what I had to say.  How narcissistic - oh, wait... Anyway, maybe I'll blame society for giving me a large enough dose of reality, but I had a pretty strong feeling that nobody was going to pay me for my opinion on my limited knowledge and experience. But who needs to get paid when you can spew it out on the internet for free! -- But back to the dilemma,  what is my voice?

I'll tell you what it is. It is mine. Sometimes that is laughing until I'm hysterical at a Julian Smith video on YouTube,  sometimes it is discussing papal encyclicals or the problems with the UN. Sometimes I might cry over how much I love cooking and food (yes, that has happened), rant about social justice, and occasionally I might expound on the itchy nature of my scalp.... see what I did there? My voice can  be (usually is) loud, but it has tempered over time - thank the Lord - although it can still sometimes be muffled by my foot. I might talk about my babe, my daily life, my indignation, my passion, my feelings, current events, the world at large, and I might use my everyday words, or I might pull out the thesaurus and exercise my writing muscle, but rest assured, the voice is mine.

The beautiful thing is that I am so many things at once, and so are you! So consider this a disclaimer to any future post you may read and think, "Wow, what a load..." I'm not usually trying to sound like someone I'm not, and if my sound isn't ringing true,  feel free to question; but also consider I am not static and will not always sound the same.

I do what I want.  ;)     --Peace